Curious McKay

Just as we thought we could take a break from worry for awhile, McKay our 8 year old, decided that we needed just one more thing to worry about.  On  Sunday August 16th we had just gotten home from church and had eaten lunch together when we all decided to just relax for a little bit.  McKay went out in the garage and found a .22 bullet and a lighter and wanted to know what would happen if he lit up the bullet.  Well, he found out and so did we!!!  I was on the phone with my sister when I heard the loud explosion, then the death cry!  I went running to see what had happened.  When I saw McKay with blood coming out his eye and screaming the the worst scream a mother could hear, I knew it was bad.  I grabbed a towel and Steve grabbed the keys and we went frantically to the hospital.  I was trying to call our friend that is a ophthalmologist while we were driving.  I couldn't get a hold of him so I called the hospital to let them know we were on our way and that we were going to need an ophthalmologist as soon as we arrived.  They called the doctor on call, who happened to be our friend.  When we arrived at the hospital, they got us right in and our friend called us back on our phone.  They did an assessment on McKay first thing and he was completely blind in his left injured eye.  He could not see anything, only black.  I was on the phone with our friend telling him everything we knew and anxiously asking him if McKay would have a chance of getting any sight back eventually?  In a very sincere and concerned way, he told me that usually after a trauma like this, what they see right after the accident is usually what they will see in the end.  Not what a mother ever wants to hear.  My heart fell and I dropped the phone and started to sob.   I knew if there was any chance that McKay would ever see again in that eye, it would be a miracle.  I happen to believe in miracles and have witness several very real ones in our lives just recently.  The doctors had done a CT Scan on his eye and found a 10 mm piece of metal shrapnel lodged in the muscle behind his eye.  The bullet had exploded and a piece of the shell casing had gone through his eyelid and in the front of his eye, all the way through his eye and out the back.  It was a miracle that he hadn't been killed.  But it was serious enough that the doctors wanted to transfer him down to Salt Lake to Primary Children's Medical Center. As we waited for the ambulance to arrive to transport him to Salt Lake, Steve and my brother-in-law gave McKay a priesthood blessing.  In the blessing it said that he would be able to see again.  It said that he would have a long road ahead of him, but that he would be able to one day see out of that eye again.  Oh, what a feeling of relief I felt.  McKay was scared, I was scared, Steve was scared, until that blessing.  Then we knew he would be okay.  It was now in the Lord's hands and I knew of a surety that our Heavenly Father knew McKay and I felt the love he had for him.  I knew at that time that McKay had a very special mission to complete in this life and he was not yet finished.  He had been protected by heavenly angels when that bullet had exploded.  I knew that if McKay needs his eye to fulfill his mission here on earth that he will get his vision back and if he doesn't need it then he will be made whole someday.  It is such a relieving feeling to turn your burdens over to the Lord.  He knows what is best and He will make right all the wrongs in His time.  McKay was being so brave.  When they would ask him if he was in pain, he would cheerfully say "NOPE".  Then when no one was in the room but me, I saw a little tear fall and I ask him if he was really okay.  He then said in a little shaky voice, "Mommy, it hurts really bad."  I quickly went to get the nurse to give him something for the pain.  They came right away to give him some pain meds, just in time to go for his first, and I hope, last ambulance ride. When we arrived at Primary Children's, they had their ophthalmology team waiting.  They arranged surgery right away.  The doctors had been told that he was completely blind in his left eye.  As they were doing their assessments of McKay, he could see something.  A little light and maybe some fingers as they held them right in front of his eye.  This is not how things usually go with injuries like his.  A bit of mystery to the doctors, but I knew it was a direct result of the priesthood blessing he had received right before we left Logan.  They took him to do surgery to close his eye the best they could.   After the surgery the doctor came to talk to us and he said he was able to stitch his eye lid and the front of his eye, but the exit wound was so far in the back that they were only able to put 1 stitch to close it.  They had to leave it open and hope that it would close on it's own.  If it did, then there might be a chance to save his eye.  If it didn't, he would lose his eye and we would have to get a glass eye.  We prayed and prayed some more. I talked to Jacob on the phone and he told me that he had gotten the other kids at home together and they had prayed together for their brother too.  Our prayers were answered about a week later when they were able to finally find a measurable pressure in his eye.  We took many trips to Salt Lake.  Every other day for about a month.  We met with many doctors.  They needed to do another surgery because the scar that was closing the exit wound in the back of his eye was also causing traction on his retina and pulling it off the back of his eye.  Also there was so much blood inside his eye they needed to remove.  This time the surgery was done by a retina specialist.  She was unsure if she would be able to save his eye during the surgery.  His eye was just so damaged. She told us that it could go either way.  Once again, we called upon the powers of heaven to help with this surgery.  Not only did he get a priesthood blessing again, many friends and family came together and fasted for McKay to get the extra help he needed to get through this next step.  August 31st was his last surgery and when the doctor came out to talk to me about how the surgery had gone, all I really heard was, "It went better than I had expected."  After that, everything all meshed together.  I knew our many prayers had been answered.  It's not over and McKay will have many more surgeries and probably many more bad days but for now, he still has his eye and we have all been blessed to feel the love of our Savior and the blessings of the spirit in our home.  We have been so blessed to have the support of a great family and many friends and neighbors that have come to our rescue many times.  I have come to know that the trials we have been through has allowed us to see the good in so many people.  We have also been able to witness so many miracles and the goodness of God.  What a blessing that has been. 

Time is a blessing!

Time is the greatest healer.  Things have gotten much better at our house.  Steve is back to work and he seems to be getting more energy everyday.  The lump on his neck behind his ear turned out to be a swollen lymph node.  His body had been through so much in trying to fight all the bad chemicals they were putting in his body, that one of those lymph nodes just got clogged up.  It is so nice to see him come back to us.  That was so scary for awhile there.  I must admit, I kind of freaked out a little.  Just when things were suppose to be getting better, he got worse.  It makes us that much more grateful for his recovery and his improvements.  Our summer has been cut short for us.   It feels like it just started and school starts here in 3 weeks.  So for the next 3 weeks we are cramming in all the fun stuff we can.  We went to Bear Lake last weekend, we are headed to a friends cabin in Midway this weekend.  Steve has rented a 6 person razor to take the family on an excursion next weekend.  Then Sierra and I are going to St. George to see Beauty and the Beast at the Tuacahn Theater for a girls weekend, and the boys will go to the Wind Rivers for a canoe trip over Labor Day weekend.  We are trying to fit a whole summer of fun into just a few weeks.  I think we will all need a nap after it all.  We have really changed how we look at things.  One of the great blessings cancer gives you is a change of perspective.  We are so grateful that Steve is NED (no evidence of disease) right now, but we have no guarantee that it will last.  We have decided to do all we can to spend time with our family and friends that are dear to us and live each day to the fullest.  There is no time to waist!   We want to make memories and develop relationships that will last forever.  Each day is a blessing we are so thankful for. 

The race is not over

Yes it's true, I am not a good blogger.  I really didn't think to many people checked on the blog until I had may people texting and asking for a follow up from my last post. I went back and read it, since it's been a while, and I did leave things undone.  So sorry for that.  All the results that we had done while we were back at the Huntsman came back good and clean.  That included: CT of his head and neck with and without contrast, blood tests, blood cultures to look for infections, echo cardiogram with a bubble test to see if he had a hole in his heart, a short EEG, and a LONG 24 hour EEG.  I mean that was a long 24 hours.  They were looking to see if he was having any type of seizure activity.  Again, everything came back good.  So, what do we do from here?  He had a team of neurologists visit him, a team of oncologists and many other NP's and PA's.  He was seen by many people while we were there.  That was very comforting for me.  To be honest, this was kind of freaking me out.  He had never been like this before through it all and now all the sudden things just went crazy!   We have more scans on Tuesday so maybe more answers???   In my mind, it was like running a race.  When we started, we knew where the finish line was.  By the end we were exhausted and tired but we knew the end was close so we gave it our all to make it to the finish line.  The only thing is,  as we crossed the finish line something happened and our race wasn't over quiet yet.  We were asked to keep on running not know where our new finish line waited.  Here we are still running.  Steve seems to improve with each day.  He doesn't have much energy and he still forgets things he's trying to say.  He will still repeat me after I say something to him but that is getting better.  For awhile there I thought I had a new parrot. I think he realizes that things are still just not right, but he doesn't know how to fix them.  It seems to be frustrating to him.  When we were in the hospital for our first ER trip, my brother in law came to give Steve a blessing.  In that blessing he said that everything will be alright.  I am counting on that!  That is what I keep reminding myself when the stress of all this comes crashing down on me.  I am so grateful for the priesthood.  Every blessing that Steve has received through all of this seems to be for me as much as for him.  To me, that shows me that I have a loving Heavenly Father that is aware of even my small heartache through it all.  How grateful I am for that.  I don't know how I could do it with out HIM!

We went to the demolition derby last night.

Couldn't help but relate to how this car looks. 

That's about how I feel these days...

This to shall end

Just when we thought things would start to get back to normal they spun out of control for us.  We got home a week ago today and for the first few days things seemed to be going along just as usual.  Lots of nausea and fatigue, but that was pretty normal for what Steve had just been through.  On Wed. the nurse from home health came to draw labs and to give him some fluids.  I had left to run kids to soccer and basketball when the nurse called and said that I needed to come home and take Steve to the ER.  He was not making any sense and he was very confused.  I hurried home and headed up to the hospital.  The doctors there were unfamiliar with bio chemo and the effects. It was very frustrating.  It was very scary for me because this was not normal for him. This kind of thing has never happened.  He couldn't finish a sentence or a thought.  He would make crazy sentences and switch words around and even letters in words.  He didn't know what day it was and he couldn't write what he wanted.  They did a brain MRI and chest x-ray, blood work, and an EKG.  All of which came back good and clean.  So they sent us on our way.  AHHH!!! he was still not able to make clear sentences.  They had him sign out and he could not write the date or time.  I looked at the nurse and said, "Can't you see he is not stable and not okay?"  She just said, "We have done all we can do here.  We are an ER so if he needs more help you'll have to go some where else."  I was not comfortable at all leaving with how he was at that time.  I called down to the Huntsman and talked to his oncology team.  They felt like he needed to be seen by a neurologist.  They recommended that I take him down to the University of Utah medical center ER.  So off we went to the 2nd ER for the day.  I took with me the disk of his MRI and his EKG and copies of his lab work so all that wouldn't have to be redone.  When we got down to the U, it was crazy.  We sat and we sat and we sat for over 3 hours with nothing being done.  When we first got there, Steve was doing much better so they wouldn't even give us a Neuro consult like we really needed.  Talk about more frustration!  After about 2 hours of just sitting and waiting, Steve started to lose his speech again.  I asked to nurse to come in and see for herself.  Finally they decided to get a neuro consult.  The neurologist came in and did a series of tests and felt like they should rule out some big things.  By now, Steve had had enough.  He was done.  They didn't seem to know much about Bio Chemo either.  In fact they said they had to look it up and read up on it when we were there.  He had lost all confidence in everyone there.  He decided to check himself out AMA (against medical advice).  Talk about a bad day!! By the way, it was our 15 year anniversary, one we won't forget anytime soon. We got home around 1:00 am.  We were both spent.  Maybe a good night seep would help?  We gave it a day, and when we woke up this morning, things were still not good.  Still couldn't form complete sentences and he was still really confused.  I talked him into coming back to the hospital to finish the tests that they wanted to run but couldn't because he ran.  I called the on call oncologist to see if we could by pass the ER this time and just get admitted.  I was afraid if we had to go the the ER again, that he wouldn't last the wait that is inevitable at the ER. Luckily he mad that happen.  So, here we are back at the Huntsman again.  So far today they have done a chest x-ray, blood cultures, blood testes, head and neck CT, 30 min. EEG, he has been evaluated by the neurology team and is now hooked up for a extended EEG that will last all night.  We have accomplished more in the few hours at the Huntsman than we did all day at two different ER's.  They are just on it here.  There is a chance that we might not find anything but a least we will be able to rule out the big stuff.  We should have more answers tomorrow but for now, we have one unhappy guy who is just so tired of all this stuff.  He has been through so much already and it just seems to keep going on and on.  This to shall end.  It just seems to be an endurance test at this point.

Round 3 Day 5

We are home!  Seriously, there is no better feeling than this.  When the doctor came in today Steve was sitting in a chair and I looked at him and saw a big lump behind his ear.  OH MAN!  I asked the doctor to look at it when he was right there and sure enough, he thought that we needed to get a biopsy of it before we left today.  Steve was kind of mad at me for mentioning it.  That meant we may not get out of there as soon as we could have. We couldn't get out of there soon enough as it was.  It didn't take to long for the people from pathology to come and start poking on him.  They are pretty sure that it is just a lymph node that is big but we won't know for sure until Monday. Until then, we are going to enjoy our weekend.  Hopefully we can control the nausea better this week.  Steve is planning to go back to work next week so we will see if that happens.  We have one more count down going on and that is for his interferon shots.  3 more then we will really be done.  We were talking on the way home today about how we made the better choice of 3 months verses 1 year of interferon shots.  I don't think he would have lasted a whole year with these shots.  They are brutal.  Now it's time to take our life back!!!

Round 3 Day 4

Today has been a great day!  Mostly because the count down is on.  We officially finished his last round of chemo today.  It's been like a party here today with so many visitors.  I loved it! I think it really helped lift Steve's spirits as well.  He was still battling fevers most the day and was pretty sick but knowing we get to go home tomorrow and that we made it through all three rounds is awesome!  He started a treatment on Monday that lasts 96 hours so that will be done around 12:00 tomorrow and he has to get one more interferon shot tomorrow then we get to go home.  We have even started counting down on how many shots he has left till we are completely done.  It feels like he has finished a major milestone and it has been a major accomplishment to get through this treatment.  After we get home he will have 3 more shots of interferon then he has scans scheduled in July and hopefully everything is clear and we can start our summer vacation.  We are so excited to get back to normal living.  Cancer has taken enough from us for now, we are ready to take our life back.  Once again, I find it hard to find the words to express our gratitude for all the help and support we have received since all this started.  This week especially this week.  So many people have stepped in to help us get everyone to so may different places.  When my family offered to help us they probably had no idea what they had signed up for.  This week alone we had basketball camp, basketball tournament, soccer tournament, cub scout day camp and of course they all had their regular practices all week as well.  There is no way we could have done any of this with out all the help we have received.  We have always been taught to serve others.  It hasn't been until we have been on the other side of service that I have learned the meaning of service in a much deeper way.  I am always so thankful for the Lord taking the time to teach us these lessons.

I thought this was cute.  Steve brought this little car and put it in his bathroom to remind him of McKay while he was here.  Nothing says McKay like a little hot wheel.  Something to put a smile on his face.  

Round 3 Day 3

I have to apologize right up front.  This is going to be a longer entry tonight so I won't be offended if this is one you skip.  My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for all the wonderful experiences I was able to be a part of tonight.  I came home to attend a benefit dinner that some very good friends organized and put on for our family tonight.  I was so overwhelmed and amazed at the amount of people and support that was there tonight.  There were people that didn't even know us but had been touched by melanoma in a loved one so they were there just to support us.  Our neighbors, friends, family, patients, and strangers all came together to support Steve in his fight.  How could you not gain strength from that? There is power in numbers.  I was extremely touched by the love that was given to my family tonight.  I was going to say something tonight, but my emotions are so close to the surface that I wasn't sure I could with out busting into the ugly cry.  So I will tell you all what was on my mind here where I can ugly cry in private.

The very first day in the hospital on round 1, the team of nurses came in and placed a PICC Line for the week.  This is how all of his chemo and treatments would be given and where all the blood draws would come out of.  He was all hooked up and receiving all of his pre meds before they would start this awful treatment.  I remember standing there in his room with a few nurses.  Steve was standing next to what they call his tree of life.  All these bags hung with different drugs and fluid.  All part of his treatment.  Then the nurses were there to answer any questions we might have and kind of give us a run down of things to expect this up and coming week.  Then Steve being Steve, started telling them how all this was going to work.  We were going to do this , and we were going to do that.  He was taking charge of the situation and making sure everyone knew just what to do in this next week.  I just stepped back and watched the nurses look at each other not knowing quite what to say so with a little chuckle, I just said, "You can't tell he is usually the one in charge.  He is usually the one who is giving directions and laying out the plan of treatment."  Oh boy, this was going to be interesting I could tell right off the bat.  The nurses just laughed but were probably a bit nervous about this one.  As the days went on things got more serious.  One night around 3:30in the morning one of the alarms went off.  There were many different alarms always going off. It could mean one of the bags of fluid or medicine was out and needs to be changed, it could mean the battery was running low.  Sometimes I would forget to plug that monster beast back to the wall. An alarm would sound when his oxygen would drop. That's when I would pop out of bed and hurry over to get the oxygen on him.  The first little while, I had it on all wrong.  It still worked it just night have strangled him is all Most these alarms I have learned how to fix them with out calling the nurse.  But this night an alarm went off and it was one I couldn't fix.  Steve's heart had slipped out of a normal rhythm and was causing quite a commotion.  I woke up to a room full of doctors and nurses doing what they have been trained to do.  They were getting Steve back!In that moment of pure fear and panic I did what I have been trained to do.  I dropped to my knees and prayed with all my heart.  With tears streaming down my already wet cheeks I knew right then that not only did Steve have a very well trained medical staff attending to him but he also had an army of angels from the other side that were there helping those nurses and doctors try to save my sweetheart.  I knew then, he was in very good hands.  Although it was an intense few hours that Steve slept right through, the sense of peace came over me and the feeling of fear left. The power of prayer is real. I felt it that night I dropped to my knees in desperate prayer and I have felt it time and time again through all of this.  All the prayers that have been said by all of you in our behalf have lifted us up and helped us make it through a very tough time.  We have witnesses several miracles.  Some I have shared, and some that are so sacred they are ours alone to enjoy.  As much as I hate cancer, I love and will forever be grateful for the lessons it has taught me and my family.  Things we have learned going through this trial, we could have learned any other way.  To me, that shows me 1:How well Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us and 2:That he loves us enough to give us the trials that will benefit us the most and to teach us the things that will bring us closer to God.   3: When we go through these really hard trials he doesn't make us go through them alone.  He sends his earthly angels to help us.  These angels come in a form of a friend, family members, and even sometimes little fairies that come clean my house, fold my laundry and even clean our windows and fix broken tail lights on our car. 

I can't begin to thank all of you tonight for being there for our family.  Thank you seems to be so small compared to the feeling in my heart.  I'm not sure I can find a word that could best describe it.  All I can say is the I hope one day in your life you might have the chance to feel the feelings that are in my heart tonight.  We are not done fighting this battle.  We will fight this cancer with all we have for as long as we have to. But in the end, we will put our complete trust in God and what ever he sees fit we will be grateful for the ride.  God has a plan and it is a perfect plan.  He knows what He is doing and we are just her along for the ride.  I have such love and admiration for you all.  I will be forever grateful to all of you who are sharing in this experience with us.  Steve and I are changed people.  I have to say my most sincere thank you to my dear friend who wouldn't give up on Steve and I and our prideful hearts. Because of her, we have been blessed with more support than we could have ever imagined. Many other blessings came in our life after we let down our pride and accepted the hand that was being extended to us.     Our Spirits have been lifted after tonight. 

It will be impossible to reach out and thank you all individually, so I hope you will read here and feel my most sincere gratitude and my biggest thank you .  I wish there were words that would express better what I am feeling, but I hope you might be able to feel just a little of what is in my heart tonight.  My heart is super full tonight with love and gratitude for so many things.  Love you ALL!!

Round 3 Day 2

Time marches on.  Another day closer to being done with this part of our experience.  When we first started down this road, I wanted to do this blog for a few different reasons.  One of which was to keep track of the many blessings we see.  I started a list in the back of my journal that I named, "Little big acts of kindness."  There have already been so many it has taken up pages in my journal.  I wanted to just name one tonight.  If anyone knows Steve, you know he loves to look out a clean window.  That is one things he does himself every year at home.  Actually, I help.  He goes on the outside and I follow him through out the house on the inside and we clean all the windows.  That way we know who has missed spots so those windows are sparkling when we are done.  Our first round of treatments here at the Huntsman was right after some pretty dirty rain storms.  I thought it was kind of funny because the entire week we were here, Steve asked every person who came in the room if he could get his window cleaned.  It drove him crazy to look out a dirty window.  He didn't care if it was the doctor, nurse, aid or custodian that came to his room, he asked them to go clean his window.  This past week when we were home I was out side doing some work and a guy came walking up to me and said, "You are going to get your windows cleaned today."  I was just about to explain to him that he had the wrong house, that I hadn't been home to set that up when he explained that some one had already paid for all our windows to be cleaned.  As tears filled my eyes, I couldn't help but thank my Heavenly Father for the "Little Big acts of kindness" that continue to bless our lives.  I'm sure that who ever arrange for our windows to be cleaned had no idea what a big deal that was for Steve.  I loved it too, but when I opened the windows and showed Steve how clear his view was from his own bed, he was so happy!

Today was another crazy day.  Most the day today was spent trying to break a fever.  After giving him the max amounts of meds. they turned on a cooling blanket and packed his body in ice packs.  They put them behind his neck and under his arms.  Eventually it worked and his temperature came down.  The other challenge we had today was trying to stabilize his blood pressure.  With the IL-2 they are giving him, his fluid leaks into his tissues and that causes his pressure to drop.  If it's not one thing it's another.  We are just very grateful to have such capable people that are taking care of Steve. They are very well trained and so compassionate.  Hoping for a quiet night,  So far, all I hear are alarms going off non stop not so quiet.

Round 3 Day 1

These past 2 weeks  at home were a bit harder than the first round.  When we first got home, Steve couldn't eat or drink anything at all.  He got so dehydrated that he needed IV fluids but he really didn't want them.  He had just gotten home and he was just so tired of having everyone hovering over him and he didn't want to be hooked up to another line again.  One of our friends came over and hooked him up to start some fluids... It was only an hour or so before he stared to complain and wanted to be done.  Our friend who is a paramedic said we could give him the fluids faster so he could just get them in and he could be done.  Normally, that would have been just fine, but with Steve, his veins, and capillaries were so weak that flooding him with fluids to fast didn't quite work so well.  He went to lay down and and he started to complain of a pain in his chest.  He said it felt like a heavy weight was on his chest.  I called my friend who is a nurse and she came right over.  She listened to his lungs and said she could hear the fluid on his lungs.  She took the IV out and had him walk up to the corner of our street and back.  Kind of scary.  Steve is a terrible patient.  He hates all this attention and he hates to be confined and "hovered" over.  So this is so hard for him.  It's just something he has to get through.  The other complicating issue we had this last go round is our two youngest kids caught something right before we got home.  Sierra spiked a high fever the first night we got back.  The bad thing was, I didn't know that she was sick until after she had cuddled with her dad all day.  She loves her dad and misses him when he's gone, so it is not unlike her to go snuggle up to him and lay by him while he sleeps.  It made me very nervous since Steve was at such a high risk of catching anything and that could be very dangerous for him.  His body is unable to fight any little bug right now.  Then the next night, McKay spiked a high fever in the middle of the night.  Not to sure what they caught.  It seemed to pass quickly, just gave me a bit more to worry about and take care of when we got home.  I believe it was a tender mercy that Steve was protected from catching whatever they both had.  The nausea this time around was even worse.  I would give him his pills to control the nausea and he would keep them down for about one minute before he was running to the bathroom to throw them up.  In the end, we made it through to round 3.  Last Tuesday we had labs drawn and his levels were still really low.  The doctor wasn't sure that we would even make it to round three.  This morning when we came, the one level they were looking at had to be a very minimum of 1000 his was 1100.  Not great but they were okay to start.  Today has been a bit rough.  He got slammed with nausea and fevers right away.   Then his blood pressure dropped and all the meds they have given him in the past don't seem to be working as well this time.  It probably has to do with his weaken state to start with.  This is the time I pray!  I pray all the time, but right now it's a different kind of prayer.  Steve talks about the difference between prayer and pleading with the Lord.  This is one of those times I am pleading.  We will get through this.  When we talked to the doctor he said again that we were doing the best thing for Steve right now.  After this he said most likely we will be having social visits for about the next year and a half.  WHAT!  Is that all?  Hopefully longer than that, but I guess that is what happens in most cases.  He is hopeful that in that year and a half, there will be even more ways to treat this awful monster.  We hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Look at those cute heads

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Round 2 Day 4

One more day and we get to go home, YEA!  It was a tough day today.  Each round, each day gets a little harder on his body and his spirits.  Today his doctor came in and talked a little about the annual conference that he just back from.  Doctors from all around the world come to this particular conference.   He said that melanoma stole the show.  When he talks about the new and up coming treatments of melanoma, it's always about stage 4.  I really don't like talking about stage 4.  I am hopeful that we wont have to deal with that, but being only a breath away I do like to know what tricks to store in our back pocket.  When talking about stage 4 he always refers to it as rescue strategies.   For some reason, I hate hearing it referred to it like that.  To me, rescue sounds like someone drowning that needs to be rescued.  I would prefer to just stay out of the water all together so we won't need to be rescued at all.   Could we talk about that? How do we stay out of the water?No one seems to have answers on how to do that?  The only thing I can think of, is doing all we can to eat better really focus on good nutrition at home.  If this isn't motivation to make some changes, I don't know what is?  I did buy a juicer and have been reading and studying more about the benefits of juicing.  That is one thing I will start making a part of our daily meals.  I'm sure it will take some time to make all the changes I'd like to make but I will start with small things and introduce more as we go along.  Oh boy, are my kids going to love me.  We love our dad so hopefully they will just roll with it???  I feel like we have got to do all we can to stay out of the water.  In the end, I know that God has a plan and it is a perfect plan.  I just have to do all I can to do my part so I will never have any regrets or I won't ever look back and say, "I wish I would have tried....."

This is where we go when we make it outside..It's beautiful.

  I even do laundry here.  Never get away from that.

Day 3

I guess I didn't do my job last night.  These ear plugs work good or I was just really tired.  Steve tried to get me to come cover his little toes that were poking out 3 times but I didn't hear his calls for help in the middle of the night.  Boy did I hear about it in the morning!  I'm here to help out and I'm not doing my job ha ha.  Hopefully tonight I can tuck those toes in before I fall asleep so I don't hear about it tomorrow.  Things went good today.  One of the really weird things that has happened to Steve is the chemical they give him stimulate a part of his brain that activates the memory cells in his body.  Those memory cells remembers a time in his life when he was sunburned.  So his body is all sun burned.  It's so crazy to me that the body can work that way, but it does. Today was the first day we noticed that he started losing his hair.  He had a ton on his pillow this morning and more that came out in the shower.  It might be time for the summer time buzz.  The two older boys said they would shave their heads to match their dads, but McKay said he needed to think about it.  I love that kid.  Either way, it looks like the Garvert boys might be sportin a new do soon.  I had a fun day today visiting with a dear friend.  I love getting visitors.  Steve sleeps a lot so I read a lot and go for some walks but it was really fun to be with her and spend time catching up.  When else do we ever just sit and talk for hours with a good friend.  I say, we defiantly need to do more of that.  That is time well spent.  I know I am guilty of wasting time doing things far less important and much less rewarding.

     Steve decided to take my bed

Round 2 Day 2

Pretty good day today, we got to move out of ICU and into a regular room.  Although you feel very safe and cared for in the ICU, there isn't much rest.  Steve is much happier with out all the extra cords and extra "bugging".  He did pretty good today with all the treatments and they were able to really stay on top of his symptoms.  We were able to go outside and sit in the sun for a little bit today.  It felt so good! Our view from this new room is the top of the U of U hospital so I get to watch all the life flight helicopters come and go.  Although it's not as pretty as the mountain side, it is a bit more exciting.  I was even able to sneak away for a little bit tonight and meet a friend who has a little one down the street at Primary Children's.  It was great to get out for a bit even if it was just to a different hospital.  I thought I could be gone with out Steve even noticing, but that was not the case.  I wasn't gone long before I started getting texts asking me when I'd be back and that he missed me.  Ha ha, I guess I'm not to sneaky.  I guess he does know I'm here, sometimes I wonder??? I know I say this a lot, but We are so very grateful for all the prayers we are getting in our behalf.  We are truly lifted up and feel the strength that comes from those prayer.  The power of prayer is real, I can testify to that!!!

The view from our room day 2

                                 

                                        The PIC line was placed a lot easier and quicker this time around

This is what the PIC line looks like on x-ray

Round 2

Wow! One week in the hospital and two weeks home felt like two weeks in the hospital and one week home.  The two weeks home went fast but it was sure nice to be home doing some normal things with our family.  Steve had a birthday yesterday and he slept for most of the day.  We celebrated the day before by going up Logan Canyon with some friends and had a camp fire and did some 4 wheeling.  I think we wore him clean out!  It was a lot of fun and a great way to enjoy one last day before we headed back down for round two.  We got up at 5:30 this morning in hopes to get here early.  They ask us to be here by 8:00 so we figure that the sooner we get here the sooner we get to go home on Friday.  When we came this morning we headed straight to the 4th floor where we spent our last week here.  Of course, I wanted to make only one trip from the car with all our stuff so our arms were full, I mean full!  Steve was cussing me, telling me that we should have taken two trips, but I wouldn't be a true Mathison if I didn't try to make only one.  I just can't help myself.  When we barely made it to the 4th floor without dropping everything, they told us that we wouldn't be on that floor this time.  We had to head up to the 5th floor.  So we stumbled towards the elevators again to make our way up one more floor.  I probably took out 4 people as I walked by because I was carrying so much stuff.  We made it and realized we had ended up in the ICU.  They explained that after our experience last time with his heart rate that went crazy and his blood pressure that tanked, they wanted him in the ICU so they could keep a closer eye on him.  Boy, he was not happy!  That means more cords, more monitors, and lots more "bugging".  He is just not a happy patient right now.  As soon as they got the PIC line placed and the drugs flowing, he started to calm down, mostly because he gets knocked out with all the drugs.   Knowing what is coming is good and bad, I think.  Good because we know what to expect and what worked best last time treating it. Bad because we know whats coming and how awful he is going to feel.  We are just trying to keep focused on the bigger picture of things and see this as a blessing that we have these resources available to us.  I am truly grateful for the village that is there to take care of my family while we are away.  My sisters have it all figured out and taken care of for me.  I have neighbors and friends running my very active kids to and from practices and activities.  I don't know how we could do it all with out all the love and support we continue to receive from countless people.  I have to say, I am super proud of my kids as well.  They take such good care of each other and are being such good sports through this all.  Here's to one day down, and 4 to go.

                                                                   Happy Birthday                                                                    

                                            Jacob did Sierra's hair today.  He did a great job!

                                                       Our View from our room in ICU

Home Sweet Home

We were only in the hospital for a week but it might as well have been a month.  We were both so grateful to get home and sleep in our own beds.  Steve was especially happy to be freed from all those cords.  Our family was very cared for while we were gone.  Many meals were brought to my kids that were at home and my house was clean laundry done and folded.  My youngest that stayed at my sisters house cried when she brought her home because she had had so much fun with her cousins and loves it at their home.  I was very grateful for all the help and selfless acts of service so many people gave to our family.  Steve has spent much of his days sleeping since we got home.  Today is the first day he is really up and about.  The day after we got home, he had to get a shot that boosts his white blood cell count.  They said it is pretty painful because it stimulates the bone marrow to go into over drive and boost his counts. They said a lot of people experience bone pain that is pretty bad.  They gave us lots of meds to give him before the shot and then more pills for after.  We did it at night before he went to bed, so I think he slept off most of the side effects.  He didn't feel great the next day but it wasn't as bad as they had prepared us for.  Two nights ago, he had his first interferon shot.  We gave him all the pre meds once again but that one knocked him down a bit more the next day.  He was pretty sick, and no energy.  Jacob, our oldest, had an awards assembly I went to that morning. I was surprised when Steve showed up a bit late, but just in time to see Jacob get his award for being on the honor roll and getting good citizenship all year and also intramural champion.  Of course, the best award was the intramural champion.  Steve sneaked out right after Jacob got his award.  He wasn't really suppose to be around so many people at this time in his treatment.  He is at a higher risk for infection and sickness right now.  That was all he could do that day.  He came home and slept the rest of the day.  Today is the first day he seems to be doing better.  He actually went out and started mowing the lawn.  It is a riding lawn mower, but still a great accomplishment right now.  Jacob took over as soon as he got home from school.  I am learning a lot right now about nutrition and how it will help him heal.  It's amazing!!! I didn't really think we were that unhealthy but I see a lot of areas that we will be improving on.  I'm kind of excited to do all we can to help Steve get healthy again and stay healthy.  That is one thing we have gained a greater appreciation of, is having good health.  We have really always been healthy.  Our kids and us have never had anything other than the occasional cough or flu.  We have been very fortunate that way.  Watching Steve lose his health so quickly, has been a challenge.  He will get it back and we will never take it for granted again.  Steve has 2 more shots this week then he has a week off.  We will head back to the huntsman for round 2 after that.  For now, we are just going to enjoy our time together as a family!

Day 4

Today was much like yesterday where Steve slept most of the day.  He only got up once to walk the halls.  The goal is to get up and walk 2 laps 3 times a day.  This huge cart we have to haul around is monstrous and heavy.  That leaves me in charge of pushing it around the halls.  I'm not the best driver of that thing.  Steve isn't the best walker right now, so the two of us make quite the pair walking in circles around the halls.  All I can say is if you see us coming, you better get out of the way. He claims I run him into the wall, I think he can't walk straight. It's probably a little bit of both.  Walking is suppose to help prevent blood clots and really helps you feel better.  They were a little slow to get on top of his symptoms so he had a rough ride today.  His fever spiked and his heart got to a dangerous rate so they had to pump him with more and more drugs.  Poor guy is so drugged, he's not sure which end is up.  He just woke up for 30 seconds and looked at the clock and asked, "Is it 11:00 in the morning or 11:00 at night?" He laid his head back down and started snoring again.  My brother and his wife came to visit tonight and when he walked in he asked Steve how he was doing and he lifted his head and said, "Kumbaya." Ya, that is about how he's been all day.  They are trying to get us ready to leave tomorrow so part of that is bringing us all the meds that he will go home with.  I didn't know I would be taking the whole pharmacy with me.  Two different people came to instruct me on what drugs to give him and when.  When to give the shots and when not to.  Good thing they gave me something to take notes on.  I even wrote on the bottles so I wouldn't forget some things.  Hopefully I can keep it all straight.  Steve has gained about 15 pounds since we checked in.  Hard to believe since he's not eating at all.  It's all water weight.  He is so puffy and soft. They said all that will come right off when he gets home plus some.  He likes to tell people he's going on the CHEMO diet.  Not one I recommend.  I really hope that he forgets most of his stay here or else I think I might have a real hard time getting him to come back for round 2.  Some people say that their stay here is a fog.  I think ever since they started his Chemo on Wednesday, he had been in a fog.  Hopefully that will be the case.

Day 3

Today had it's ups and downs.  Steve kind of had in his mind that he might have a day like yesterday where he had a break in the madness, but not today.  He woke up pretty miserable and it stayed like that most the day.  His platelet levels dropped again today to a level they would normally do a transfusion.  Since he will probably be needing them more than normal, they decided to lower the parameters of when he will receive a transfusion.  They are going to try and ride it out a little longer before they do the transfusion.  He slept most the day.  Once again, the nurses have been outstanding in taking care of him.  They know exactly what to expect and how to treat it before it even happens. They are working round the clock to make sure he is as comfortable as possible.  I am so very grateful to here at the Huntsman where he is receiving the best care possible.  They are outstanding! Some compare Bio Chemo like having the really bad flu.  That comparison seems so minimal compared to what he is experiencing.  He is handling this like a champ!  I'm very proud of him and the strength he is possessing.  You have to be one tough nut to handle this kind of torture. It makes me feel bad sometimes when he is so uncomfortable because I know he is only going through this because of me and our kids.  He said if it were just him, he would just roll the dice and take the risk of the cancer coming back.  But with his responsibilities and love he has for us, he is suffering greater than he anticipated, all for us.  This is the greatest sacrifice anyone has ever made for me and my kids. I love him more than ever for it!  He is truly doing everything he can to fight this wicked beast.  He is a fighter, so I know he will prevail.          

Day 2

Day 2 was much better than day 1.  They told us that the first day would be the worst and so far, they are right.  We had a really busy night last night.  Steve's blood pressure tanked so they were up working on him till 3:00 am.  The cause of his low blood pressure was what they call capillary leakage.  That is where all the fluid they are giving him leaks out of the capillaries and into the tissue which causes his blood pressure to drop.  He was in and out of it most of the night, but it makes me on edge when everyone is working to fix a problem.  So, needless to say, we didn't get much sleep last night.  This morning Steve perked up and seemed to do real well.  It's nice that he has a break in the torture during the day.  We got to go sit outside for about 15 mins.  They don't like him to go out for long because his heart monitor doesn't reach outside and they are keeping a close eye on that.  But it was nice just to be outside even if it was only for a few minutes.  Steve even felt good enough to play video games for a little bit today.  Then it hit with a vengeance.  He got the shakes and chills and then the fevers hit.  It's pretty miserable but they are really quick to treat the symptoms so as soon as they do that he gets knocked out and sleeps for several hours.  We even got a visit from some old friends we hadn't seen in a long time tonight.  That was the highlight of our day today.  2 days down, 3 to go.  Steve is doing great! He has a positive attitude and is handling this better than I had expected.  Miracles are happening every day.  That is one of them.