Round 3 Day 3

I have to apologize right up front.  This is going to be a longer entry tonight so I won't be offended if this is one you skip.  My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for all the wonderful experiences I was able to be a part of tonight.  I came home to attend a benefit dinner that some very good friends organized and put on for our family tonight.  I was so overwhelmed and amazed at the amount of people and support that was there tonight.  There were people that didn't even know us but had been touched by melanoma in a loved one so they were there just to support us.  Our neighbors, friends, family, patients, and strangers all came together to support Steve in his fight.  How could you not gain strength from that? There is power in numbers.  I was extremely touched by the love that was given to my family tonight.  I was going to say something tonight, but my emotions are so close to the surface that I wasn't sure I could with out busting into the ugly cry.  So I will tell you all what was on my mind here where I can ugly cry in private.

The very first day in the hospital on round 1, the team of nurses came in and placed a PICC Line for the week.  This is how all of his chemo and treatments would be given and where all the blood draws would come out of.  He was all hooked up and receiving all of his pre meds before they would start this awful treatment.  I remember standing there in his room with a few nurses.  Steve was standing next to what they call his tree of life.  All these bags hung with different drugs and fluid.  All part of his treatment.  Then the nurses were there to answer any questions we might have and kind of give us a run down of things to expect this up and coming week.  Then Steve being Steve, started telling them how all this was going to work.  We were going to do this , and we were going to do that.  He was taking charge of the situation and making sure everyone knew just what to do in this next week.  I just stepped back and watched the nurses look at each other not knowing quite what to say so with a little chuckle, I just said, "You can't tell he is usually the one in charge.  He is usually the one who is giving directions and laying out the plan of treatment."  Oh boy, this was going to be interesting I could tell right off the bat.  The nurses just laughed but were probably a bit nervous about this one.  As the days went on things got more serious.  One night around 3:30in the morning one of the alarms went off.  There were many different alarms always going off. It could mean one of the bags of fluid or medicine was out and needs to be changed, it could mean the battery was running low.  Sometimes I would forget to plug that monster beast back to the wall. An alarm would sound when his oxygen would drop. That's when I would pop out of bed and hurry over to get the oxygen on him.  The first little while, I had it on all wrong.  It still worked it just night have strangled him is all Most these alarms I have learned how to fix them with out calling the nurse.  But this night an alarm went off and it was one I couldn't fix.  Steve's heart had slipped out of a normal rhythm and was causing quite a commotion.  I woke up to a room full of doctors and nurses doing what they have been trained to do.  They were getting Steve back!In that moment of pure fear and panic I did what I have been trained to do.  I dropped to my knees and prayed with all my heart.  With tears streaming down my already wet cheeks I knew right then that not only did Steve have a very well trained medical staff attending to him but he also had an army of angels from the other side that were there helping those nurses and doctors try to save my sweetheart.  I knew then, he was in very good hands.  Although it was an intense few hours that Steve slept right through, the sense of peace came over me and the feeling of fear left. The power of prayer is real. I felt it that night I dropped to my knees in desperate prayer and I have felt it time and time again through all of this.  All the prayers that have been said by all of you in our behalf have lifted us up and helped us make it through a very tough time.  We have witnesses several miracles.  Some I have shared, and some that are so sacred they are ours alone to enjoy.  As much as I hate cancer, I love and will forever be grateful for the lessons it has taught me and my family.  Things we have learned going through this trial, we could have learned any other way.  To me, that shows me 1:How well Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us and 2:That he loves us enough to give us the trials that will benefit us the most and to teach us the things that will bring us closer to God.   3: When we go through these really hard trials he doesn't make us go through them alone.  He sends his earthly angels to help us.  These angels come in a form of a friend, family members, and even sometimes little fairies that come clean my house, fold my laundry and even clean our windows and fix broken tail lights on our car. 

I can't begin to thank all of you tonight for being there for our family.  Thank you seems to be so small compared to the feeling in my heart.  I'm not sure I can find a word that could best describe it.  All I can say is the I hope one day in your life you might have the chance to feel the feelings that are in my heart tonight.  We are not done fighting this battle.  We will fight this cancer with all we have for as long as we have to. But in the end, we will put our complete trust in God and what ever he sees fit we will be grateful for the ride.  God has a plan and it is a perfect plan.  He knows what He is doing and we are just her along for the ride.  I have such love and admiration for you all.  I will be forever grateful to all of you who are sharing in this experience with us.  Steve and I are changed people.  I have to say my most sincere thank you to my dear friend who wouldn't give up on Steve and I and our prideful hearts. Because of her, we have been blessed with more support than we could have ever imagined. Many other blessings came in our life after we let down our pride and accepted the hand that was being extended to us.     Our Spirits have been lifted after tonight. 

It will be impossible to reach out and thank you all individually, so I hope you will read here and feel my most sincere gratitude and my biggest thank you .  I wish there were words that would express better what I am feeling, but I hope you might be able to feel just a little of what is in my heart tonight.  My heart is super full tonight with love and gratitude for so many things.  Love you ALL!!